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What Is True Love?
It’s one of the oldest questions ever asked – What is True Love? And how do you know when you have it?
In order to understand what true love is, we need to understand what it is first. You can think like a “romantic,” but you’ll get into trouble that way.
You might have noticed that the most “romantic outlook” tends to end in heartbreak a lot of the time. And the realists out there are no better, because their attitude often blocks them from true love – and experiencing the magic of it.
Defining love is no easy task, but let’s take a shot at it…
What Is True Love?
Love is a strong feeling of attraction and connection with a person. But beyond this thin definition, there’s a lot more going on.
If you’re a romantic, you might define love as a mystical union of souls – or that it’s written in the stars…
If you’re a little bit more of a “realist” – you might define love as a biochemical hormone cocktail that hypnotizes you into making babies.
And both would be at least a little bit right.
If you were to go out and ask a million people out there what the definition of love is, you’d get about a million different answers. We all have our idea of what True Love is, but it’s always going to match our own needs and desires.
The Internet definition of Love is pretty lame: “an intense feeling of deep affection.”
That’s pretty limp. I think my 8 year old daughter could do better. In fact, here’s what SHE actually said when I asked her:
“Love is that cool feeling two people have that makes them want to be with each other.”
I don’t know about you, but I’d go with her response much more than “deep affection.”
A lot of people subscribe to the “least amount of work” method of defining their relationships. They use a “fantasy bond” to give them a feeling of closeness and security in their relationship.
This fantasy bond is an “illusion of connection and closeness [that allows couples] to maintain an imagination of love and loving while preserving emotional distance.”
A fantasy bond forms when couples substitute real love and closeness for the form of being in a relationship. In other words the “appearance” of relationship without the depth and vulnerability. This kind of bond feels thin and fragile.
So before we describe what True Love is, let’s go through the stages of True Love. This will help you understand what both of you experience on the path to a relationship…
True Love – Phase 1: Attraction
The first stage is when we realize there’s a spark of some feeling between us.
This could happen in the first few seconds of making eye contact across a dance floor…
Or it might happen years later in a relationship, when you suddenly see your friend in a different light. Maybe his personality grows on you and you realize you’ve got some really deep feelings.
I will caution you that it’s pretty rare that friendships evolve into passionate romances. Most often, a woman will make a decision in the first few minutes of being around a guy as to whether or not she would hook up or even consider dating him. But, it can happen.
For the most part, you’re going to feel attraction right away. It’s that romantic tension that lights you up with excitement. This phase is also called “Lust” because you feel the initial stirrings of infatuation that will obsess you for weeks to come.
And this is assisted by some very important hormones that are released into your brain to ensure that you bond with him long enough for the next phase of love.
All of these hormones help you focus on the other person and develop this initial fascination that will turn into …
For the rest – watch the video!
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